Fights have never been something that have bothered me. Like ever. I believe that fights make relationships stronger, at least for the most part, but what about that fight that throws things over the edge? The ones that change your relationship forever. The ones that make you reevaluate the person you have that relationship with. What do you do about those? We don’t exactly have a rewind button. We can’t go back and unsay what we said. Those words are the stones that can be the size of boulders that break down every building of trust you have with that person. Those words are what change your relationship with that person forever.
And trust me, I truly understand being hot tempered. My family and close friends can even tell you that. And my siblings know every dang button to push to send me into a rage of fury. In that fury, I say a lot of things I should not say. I say things that I know break the soul because I know it will hurt them. But why? What good does this do me? Will I ever get full satisfaction from this?
The answer is no. It does me no good to fight, and I do not gain any satisfaction from this. It, in fact, is pretty pointless. Fighting with family is pretty pointless. I know it is sometimes necessary, but most times it is unnecessary. Because at the end of the long day, or maybe several long days later, you make up because at the end of the day, family is truly all you have left. And yes, I do fully understand that sometimes all family is not there for you, but the ones that are happen to be the only ones to matter. It might be later on down the road in life, but you realize it eventually.
To be honest, it took me about 18 years to realize that the family that didn’t want to be there for me didn’t have to be. The ones that stuck around were all that mattered. My biological father is not my favorite person on the planet, and he does not play a big role in my life because he didn’t want to. So I finally realized that if he didn’t want to be there, why should I try to fight him to be? I shouldn’t. Life is too short to be begging people to be in it that didn’t want to be.
And eventually, I stopped losing sleep over it. I eventually used this method with all of my relationships. I’m still this way, I don’t want you in my life if you don’t want to be. And yes, this may be why I’m a loner or why I only have 5 friends, but at least I’m happy. I no longer deal with the drama that goes along with fighting. I no longer go with sleepless nights because I’m so worried about my friendships and relationships. And why do I have this attitude?
Honestly, it has to be because I learned very early on that people are in your life for a certain amount of time. People outgrow people. People die. People decide that your life is no longer important to them. So with all of this in mind, I don’t fret the amount of time I have with people in my life. God has a plan for my life and every life on Earth. God uses people in my life to teach me things. He uses them to show me that no matter how much adversity I will face, and yes, I will face it, I can deal with it calmly and rationally. I can come out stronger. I can come out with a slightly positive change in my life. I can manage to put a smile on my face after all the pain subsides. I can make it through the pain because God is with me, and pain is temporary. God has a plan for my life and the relationships in them. This understanding causes the attitude I have toward relationships. So at the end of the day, maybe God dismisses you from my life because I’ve helped you all I can or maybe because I’m dragging you down. I can say I honestly don’t know, but I have faith in my God to lead me the right way and take out everyone that doesn’t need to be in this crazy, beautiful life of mine.