Somewhere in my Car

We all remember our first car. Mine was a black 2007 Ford Escape fully loaded. I thought I was something great because I had a nice ride with a sunroof and six disc CD player. I had a lot of memories in that little SUV including the day I almost killed myself and two other people, but that’s beside the point. We all don’t remember the car strictly because it was our first one, but because of the memories that were made in it. Those memories are what we hang on to the rest of our lives because eventually the car dies (or you slam it into a tree after having it six days). The people you made the memories with eventually leave you because either you outgrow them or your lives go in two different directions. Whatever the reason may be, at the end of it all, the memories are all that are left.

Since I didn’t have that Escape for too long, maybe I should say that my 2002 Toyota Camry was my first real car. It had a sunroof and a tape player. I was ‘styling and profiling,’ which I was lucky to be doing anything because I did just total a car and didn’t deserve a new one. But anyway, this car had too many memories for me. From joy rides with my girlfriends to the first kiss with my first serious boyfriend, they all were made in that car. I drove to Jackson in that car. And that was one hectic trip with my mother. Ha, but I guess the memories of friendships and relationships are what that car truly summarized to me.

I reminisce over all of my relationships. I look at why things didn’t work out between the people in my life at that time. I wonder if it was always me. I wonder if I’m just too crazy for folks to handle, or maybe I was just too mature for some of them. Were our lives just going different directions and it was just easier to part ways quicker rather than later? I guess you could say I over-think everything on Earth. But do we all truly know why every relationship ends?

The answer to this for me is no. I have no idea why some of my friendships ended. I have no idea why some of my romantic relationships ended. But if your not the one to end the relationship, does the other person state why they can’t do it anymore? In most cases, the answer is no. As humans, when we have these events happen, we want to be so direct there is no confusion at all. And even though it hurts like hell, we’re extremely thankful at that time for the directness. But as the sting begins to subside, we wonder what we did to that other person to make them feel we were no longer worth it. Why didn’t they fight for the relationship like you did? Where you ever that close? Were you so blind you didn’t see this coming for months? Most of the time, we take all of these questions and put the blame on the other partner when really we need to take some credit for our mistakes in the relationship too. This is where my downfall lies. I’ve always been one to eventually admit I’m wrong, but if someone ends any type of relationship with me, I automatically assume it’s their fault and not mine. I never think about how from time to time I’m hard to deal with. I don’t deserve the good treatment from others sometimes. But eventually I wake up and realize its my fault as much as theirs.

So why do relationships end between people? Well, I guess a number of factors play a role in it. But I guess a major issue is the lines of communication have been broken. All relationships function on two key factors: communication and trust. If you have one and not the other, then the relationship fails. If you have none, then the relationship is a failure before you get any form of emotion involved. So I guess these are two major factors that can cause relationships to end. And yes, I totally understand that each and every relationship is different, but each must have these two factors. But at the end of the day, everyone in our life comes and goes. It’s a part of life’s grand circle, and we have to embrace it.

So, I guess what I’m saying through my whole rambling of relationships is, enjoy the ones that you have in your life today. They can walk out or can be taken from you in the blink of an eye. Make memories that you will want to share with your kids and grandchildren. Have adventures in your car (cautiously), but most importantly, know that people are placed in this life for a reason. We don’t know why, and God doesn’t exactly give us the answer. But with a little faith, we may just find the relationships we’re meant to have for the rest of our lives. And know, that some of these wonderful relationships might just start with a ride home in a 2002 Toyota Camry.


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