I remember as a child my mother would always fix my plate for supper. It wasn’t because I couldn’t fix it myself, but it was because I couldn’t reach the dishes on the counter. She would always say, “Say When!” to tell her that we had enough. Of course, a child’s eyes are almost always bigger than their stomach, and we always got too much. My mother would aways say as I was getting ready to put my plate away, “Why didn’t you tell me when to stop. You knew you weren’t going to eat all that.” I got to thinking about this every single time mother asked, and I came up with this answer. I wouldn’t say when because they’re something about the possibility of more. We always want more. More tequila on Tuesday nights, more love, more anything. More has always been seen as better. More gives us hope for something better. More gives us faith to believe in something.
But what is the meaning of life if we are never content? What is the point of living if all we want to do is find more? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking here lately, and I’ve realized, I’m not content. I haven’t been content with myself and who I am for a long time. I keep finding myself looking for more. I want to be more than what I am now. I want to have more than what I have now. And in some areas in my life, I believe that is okay. But in others, well not so much. I’ve been studying into my Bible more and more here lately as I’ve found myself looking for some direction to help find my way. I came across Proverbs 14:30 which says, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots to the bones.” This verse has resonated with me for a couple of days now, and I believe that I can not be content in my life with who I am if I continue to envy other people. Yes, I have a dream of being a wife, mother, amazing officer, teacher, Ph.D. holder, but I cannot get there if I continue to be jealous of others and what they have.
I cannot be another person. I cannot live through another person. I mean, I guess I could try, but it would not be nearly as satisfying. The Lord gives us enough. It is hard for me to see right now, I will not lie about that, but I have to understand that right now I am enough. I have enough. I cannot find “the one my soul loves,” if I cannot learn to be content with myself and what God has provided for me right here, right now.
So I guess there is something to be said about the glass being half full. There is something about knowing when to say when. We have to know that our wants and desires may not be the things we NEED right now. Sometimes, what’s being poured is something that you need a taste of right now, maybe it is something that you need to enjoy a bottomless bottle of, or maybe, just maybe that bottle isn’t meant to be opened yet. All I know is that once we stop desiring more, we may learn to enjoy what’s in our glass now. And who knows, maybe the wine in the bottle is the best thing you’ve ever tasted.