The In Between Stage

So I thought when I started dating Chase, the long distance part of our relationship would be the hardest part for me. Man, if only I would have known that would be the easiest time of my relationship. As our relationship has progressed, I’m learning that the most difficult time is the here and now. You see, we’ve entered into this unmarked territory known as the, “I wanna be engaged but we’re not,” territory. Although we’ve only been together a year and a few months, I would marry Chase tomorrow if we had everything settled.

And, of course, we’ve had our share of fights, arguments, and differences of opinions, and we’ve grown closer than I ever imagined possible. To be honest, this time two years ago I would have sworn to you that I was going to die beside my 47 cats in a tiny house, (thankful God has other plans, right!) But seriously, I see myself growing old with Chase. I see myself having children and building a house and a life with Chase. And I know he sees it too. But here we are, no ring of a promise to this life on my left hand.

Most days, I find myself thinking a good bit about our futures together and wishing for it to just be here already. And the more I wish for it, I find the more I learn. I learn that any time with Chase is valuable. I learn about more food he doesn’t like to eat (which I thought I knew it all), the things that he did as a kid, the things that he loves about me, and I learn something else about him that I just love. I knew when I got in my car outside of his old high school after our first date that it wouldn’t be our last, and my love for him has only amplified over the course of our relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that Chase is the one that I will grow old with. But there is the waiting. Waiting on stability, waiting on the right time, waiting on careers, waiting on just about all there is to wait on. And this takes understanding. Lots of it. Most importantly, it takes trust. Trust to know that we are in this together and that we both want the same thing.

And I won’t say that the understanding, trust, and acceptance are easy, because most days, its not. But it will all be worth it. Because he is worth it. Every argument, talk, difference of opinion are things that help us to grow closer than imaginable. I couldn’t live every day without him by my side (well I could, but I don’t ever want to). And I won’t say that I won’t wish for our married life to begin already (because I will still wish for it occasionally,) but I will begin to enjoy this whole in between stage a whole lot more.

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Gratitude Within the Struggle

I saw this older gentleman in my community the other day digging in the trash cans for aluminum cans while I was pumping gas into my car. I watched him for a while, and I saw the excitement on his face when he found another can to add to the collection on his arm. That excitement got me thinking about my own life.

Here lately, I’ve been more upset with how my life is going that I haven’t spent any time thanking God for His faithfulness and His plan for my life. I always expected that when I graduated college, I would use my degree and maybe move home for a few months, but I was never going to make it a long term situation. Here I am, almost a year later, still living in my hometown, and not using my education to the best of my ability. And, in my relationship, I thought I would be engaged by this time, and I’m not.

So, I basically assumed I would have my life together by now, and it turns out I don’t.

Shocker there…but you know what? It’s all apart of God’s plan for me.

And I should be grateful for all that I do have. But when I think of gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks, however you put it, as being happy. But gratitude and happiness are not the same thing.

Just because I’m not happy with where I am in my life right now does not mean that I shouldn’t be grateful for all I have in life right now. I have a Bachelor’s degree, a nice house, food to eat, a great job, a wonderful family, two wonderful pets, and a wonderful boyfriend who loves me. I have the energy to get up every day and admire the struggle it takes to simply be human. And I’m even more grateful that I have an awesome, compassionate God, who is always faithful.

The Lord’s loving kindness indeed never ceases, For His compassions never fail – Lamentations 3:22-23. 

 

 

 

 

20 Things I Would Tell Myself At 20

 

  • The friends that you make in college will be some of the best people you will ever meet.
  • If you can count on more than one hand the amount of people you trust, think again.
  • One failed exam does not make you a failure at life, regardless of what Hall tells you.
  • For the love of all things, wash your face twice a day! You only get one skin, so take care of it wisely.
  • The friends that you started out with in college may not be there physically at the end, but they are always one number away.
  • You will not be the crazy cat lady when you die. The right man will come along, just be patient.
  • Learn when you are being a selfish idiot, and STOP DOING THAT.
  • Your plans will not always work out. Don’t worry when they don’t.
  • Take care of your twin sister and STOP ARGUING WITH HER SO MUCH. She’ll be your best friend when everything else goes to s**t.
  • Pink lipstick…no.
  • Do not be ashamed that you love to write.
  • Do not be ashamed that you aren’t as fast when it comes to boys, trust me, you’ll appreciate it.
  • You can buy the same jeans at Target as you can at American Eagle for half the price.
  • Its okay that you don’t have your life together.
  • Call your mother…often.
  • Call your Bebe even more often, she’ll love you all the more for it.
  • Spend as much time with your family as you can, they won’t all be here forever.
  • Guard your heart a little.
  • Enjoy the silence, that’s the time you learn the most about yourself.
  • Enjoy every moment…regardless of how painful that moment was. You learn so much more from it.