The In Between Stage

So I thought when I started dating Chase, the long distance part of our relationship would be the hardest part for me. Man, if only I would have known that would be the easiest time of my relationship. As our relationship has progressed, I’m learning that the most difficult time is the here and now. You see, we’ve entered into this unmarked territory known as the, “I wanna be engaged but we’re not,” territory. Although we’ve only been together a year and a few months, I would marry Chase tomorrow if we had everything settled.

And, of course, we’ve had our share of fights, arguments, and differences of opinions, and we’ve grown closer than I ever imagined possible. To be honest, this time two years ago I would have sworn to you that I was going to die beside my 47 cats in a tiny house, (thankful God has other plans, right!) But seriously, I see myself growing old with Chase. I see myself having children and building a house and a life with Chase. And I know he sees it too. But here we are, no ring of a promise to this life on my left hand.

Most days, I find myself thinking a good bit about our futures together and wishing for it to just be here already. And the more I wish for it, I find the more I learn. I learn that any time with Chase is valuable. I learn about more food he doesn’t like to eat (which I thought I knew it all), the things that he did as a kid, the things that he loves about me, and I learn something else about him that I just love. I knew when I got in my car outside of his old high school after our first date that it wouldn’t be our last, and my love for him has only amplified over the course of our relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that Chase is the one that I will grow old with. But there is the waiting. Waiting on stability, waiting on the right time, waiting on careers, waiting on just about all there is to wait on. And this takes understanding. Lots of it. Most importantly, it takes trust. Trust to know that we are in this together and that we both want the same thing.

And I won’t say that the understanding, trust, and acceptance are easy, because most days, its not. But it will all be worth it. Because he is worth it. Every argument, talk, difference of opinion are things that help us to grow closer than imaginable. I couldn’t live every day without him by my side (well I could, but I don’t ever want to). And I won’t say that I won’t wish for our married life to begin already (because I will still wish for it occasionally,) but I will begin to enjoy this whole in between stage a whole lot more.

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