As a child, I always wanted to be grown. I wanted the freedom, the driver’s license (which my parents later realized might not have been the best idea), and most importantly, no rules. What adults failed to tell me, once the bills start to come in and decisions must be made, being that little 10 year old on a dirty blue bicycle with muddy boots is not so bad after all. No one would tell me about the expenses that come with being an adult. And no one dared to mention that one decision could totally affect the rest of my life. Instead, I lived life rushing on into adulthood. And once I reached adulthood, I was stuck there. There is no turn around, no redo, and there is no fix that would take me back to childhood.
Don’t get me wrong, adulthood has its perks. I could do what I wanted. I could date who I wanted. I didn’t have to answer to anyone…until one day I realized, I have to answer to myself and to my God. And let me tell you, this scared me to death. What about if I mess up? What would I do then? I would have no one to blame but myself for my errors. I couldn’t call my mama and blame her for what I did. I could only blame me, and this scared me. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the tools to live the Christian lifestyle that my mama taught me to live, but I had to take these tools and apply them myself, and that scared me. What about if I couldn’t do it? I definitely didn’t want to be the 35 year old cat lady that lives with her mother because she had a nervous breakdown in her early 20’s and never fully recovered. But what about if this happens? This is still a serious possibility.
What about if the plans I had for my life were not the ones God had for me? I know we should not question God and His plan for our lives, but I catch myself doing it time and time again. What about if God’s plan didn’t match up with my fairy tale? And yes, I have the Cinderella fairy tale dream, okay, maybe the lost shoe at midnight was not a part of it, but finding my Prince Charming, marrying him, and having 4 exceptional children is. But what about if the guy, marriage, and children are not a part of God’s plan? What would I do then? To be quite honest, I have no clue what I’m going to do if this is not His plan for me and my life. It’s so easy to say that changing and adjusting to live His planned life for me is what I would do, but come on. Who on Earth wants to change the dreams they’ve had for themselves for years? I can answer that, no one! But I just might have to, and I know God has a way of making this stubborn child do as He will.
So yes, changing my dreams to match my Father’s would just have to be something I would have to do. Every one believes God promises every single one of us a soul mate, and I’ve found this to be very much so untrue. Look at Peter, he was a disciple of God, and he lived without a soul mate. He lived to serve his God without a marriage or a family. What if I was to be like Peter? Well, I guess I could be like worse people. There is always the Miley Cyrus route? But seriously, I would love to be like Peter. I mean don’t get me wrong, I would be highly upset with God for taking away my dream of being a wife and mother, but if it is something I might just have to agree with God on one day and move forward. There is no greater person to plan my life than the one the created me. He has a plan, and it’s a great one.
So I guess what I’m saying is that with growing up comes responsibility and worries. Maybe the dream I have for my life that includes the handsome husband, pretty mansion, and 4 children may not be the plan God has. His plan may just be for me to have a great male friend, a pretty one story house with a white picket fence, and 4 cats. Who knows? Only time will give me the answers, but I know that no matter what, my life cannot fail if I have God with me guiding me through it.